Tag: control

People Do Hurt People

What are you to do with that hurt?

We come to expect that we will be hurt by others at some point in our life. When the hurt comes from “God’s people”, the wounds seem to go deeper. Either way the wounds can cause eternal consequences if not handled properly. These consequences can be experienced by the ones getting hurt or those doing the hurting. We can find ourselves on both sides of the fence at different times of our life. People turn away from God when God’s people misrepresent the true character of God. Don’t allow others to have that power to turn you away and don’t be that person that causes another to turn away.

If your feel you have been hurt by another person, prayerfully answer these questions from Wounded by God’s People by Anne Graham Lotz:

• Where are you in your healing journey?
• Do you remember what your life was like before you were wounded?
• How did you get to this place?
• How is the way you are reacting today going to help you tomorrow?
• Do you want your life characterized by the result of remaining focused on “them” while being blind to your own pride, arrogance, anger, resentment, name-calling, vengeful digs, schemes for revenge, or vicious gossip disguised as prayer requests?
• Are these attitudes working for you and making you happy?
• Do they give you a temporary sense of satisfaction but then disintegrate into a desire for even more revenge? And more misery?
• What are you living for? Instead of living your life to the glory of God, are you driven by a desire to get even, vindicate your actions, prove someone else wrong, justify your opinion, expose the other person, get your own way?
• Consider carefully…do any of these desires truly honor God?
• When was the last time you put your head on the pillow conscious of God’s sweet peace and joy flooding your heart? If your can’t remember, could it be time for you to give your attention to considering your own part in the wounding?

“You might distinguish between forgiveness as letting go of my right to hurt you back and reconciliation as that which requires the sincere intentions of both parties” John Ortberg

Someone needs to make the first gesture to reconcile. You can and probably should make the first gesture but also be aware of any attempt that they may be making to reach out to you. It only needs to be a small gesture. In time, there may need to be an honest conversation in which both listen to each other’s story. Often times the problem was miscommunication or misinformation. No matter who is found to be wrong, the apology and forgiveness need to be spoken. Death to pride is the key to having broken relationships reconciled.

If a person has wounded you or has been wounded by you and you have offered forgiving words or gestures to reconcile the relationship and they reject your effort, take it to Jesus. He understands. He made the ultimate gesture and was rejected. Jesus can heal you even if reconciliation does not happen.

Death to pride and position is the key for reconciliation when a wounder seeks forgiveness. It is necessary to be Christ like.
• Be approachable as Jesus is for you.
• Love those that have rejected you as Jesus loves you.
• Initiate the contact as Jesus does for you.
• Extend forgiveness to them before they ask for it as Jesus does for you.

We can’t force reconciliation or change someone’s heart or mind. The Lord can, therefore we should pray and wait, looking for opportunities and open doors.

No person should have so much power to cause you unpleasant attitudes or to cause any separation between you and God. Take it all to God in prayer.

Jesus always makes the first gesture to reconcile. Are you responding to His gestures? Are you in a relationship with Him and responding to His leading?

Don’t let anyone have the power to keep you from all God has for you. When we don’t have the strength to let go on our own, God will give us the strength that is needed. Let Go!

• Let go of bitterness toward those that caused you to view God differently than His true character. Get to know Him yourself.
• Let go of confusion and fear. These are not of God.
• Let go of your desire to justify and explain yourself. God is your redeemer.
• Let go of your emptiness. He has a plan and a purpose for you. He will fill your cup to overflowing.
• Let go of your desire for revenge. Vengeance is the Lord’s.
• Let go of your hardened heart toward those that have rejected you. Jesus understands. He was rejected like no other.
• Let go of your loneliness. God is the God of the fatherless and of the widow. He is your God also when there is no one else.
• Let go of resentment over the way others have treated you. Consider how Jesus was treated.
• Let go of the injustice. God is Just.
• Let go of unforgiveness toward those that have hurt you. Unforgiveness will hurt you more than them. Forgive as the Father has forgiven you.
• Let go of the hurt. God is your healer. He came to bind up the brokenhearted.
• Let go of the anger toward God for allowing your wounds. Those wounds will bring deeper faith and spiritual fruit. God is more concerned with your character than your comfort.
• Let go of your life dreams and embrace what God has for you. He will give you the desires of your heart.
• Let go of the past to move forward. God has a future for you.

Let go. Give it to Him.

Do You Want Control Of Your Life?

It is amazing how many people won’t make a commitment to God because they don’t want anyone telling them what to do. They want to have control over their own life. They even think those that are walking with God need a crutch. They are afraid they would lose control if they asked God into their life. This is so ironic because if you look around, you see people controlled by all sorts of internal and external “stuff”. A few that come to mind are substance abuse, activities, people, emotions.

When we consider substance abuse, we see  people that can’t function with whatever substance they have allowed to have control. There is alcohol, drugs, and tobacco. It is hard to imagine what kind of life this must be for them. They are missing the whole purpose and joy in life. They can’t function without it and they don’t function very well with it. Of course, they don’t see that. For some reason, they can’t see beyond themselves. They think what they do doesn’t affect those around them but while they are destroying themselves, they are hurting and sometimes destroying the very ones they should be loving.

We allow ourselves to sit in front of the TV, the computer, the games system, on our phone and listen and look at stuff that is doing us harm. We say it doesn’t affect us. I bet if we made a change, we would recognize the difference. The lives portrayed on TV is not reality. Most of what is viewed cannot benefit our life. The time we waste doing unproductive activities will do us no good. We use the excuse that we need to relax or escape for a time from the stresses of life. We need to take a good look at how much time is really needed for this and what type of material is being fed into our brains in order to escape.

Pornography has been noted for being more addictive than drugs and alcohol. The pornography that people allow into their life does so much more that people even realize. Marriage and homes are being broken and they can’t even see the cause. At its extreme, it will destroy one’s sex life when they believed it at one time was enhancing it. This is typical of Satan to entangle you in a lie. He invites you into something that you believe will help and then entangles you to where you see no way out and then it begins to destroy you.

We would probably not want to admit that other people control us. But how often do we explain our actions by telling someone what they did to us? How often do we allow what someone else did or said ruin our day or our mood? Why do we let individuals have that much power in our life?

This takes us to emotions. Some of our emotions come from the fact that we allow people to determine how we feel. We get into a state of mind and we don’t know how to change it. We turn to doctors and medication or just choose to wallow in the moment. We can choose to change how we feel.

We have a God that can overcome all of this for us. Yea, He wants control but who better to give it to? It is the only control that will bring us anything positive. If we need a crutch, God is willing to be that crutch. He is the only one that can hold us up during our healing and the only one that can bring complete healing. We are talking about a God that created the universe, the God that brought us into existence, the God that created us for a purpose. Where else can we get the most satisfaction?

This brings about another ironic point. When we give God complete control, that is when we really begin to feel like we actually have control of our life. Life becomes doable. We gain a joy that we never knew, a sense of being able to accomplish something, a purpose. We can now have a dream, a hope, a future. We now have something to feel good about. We will have more than we have ever hoped for or imagined could be possible.

For more reading, look at Addictions and Effects of Pornography