Category: Relationships

Get Back on Track

We all make mistakes and wrong decisions, but Jesus is there to get us back on track.
Jesus, forgive us (me) for our (my) short comings and guide us (me) into better understanding and help us (me) to keep you at the center of our (my) lives (life) that we (I) can minimize our (my) regrets and maximize our (my) purpose. In Jesus Name, Amen

Is This Really Love?

Do we really have to have an “in love” feeling? I say “No”. We may look for that but it may never happen. When finding a marriage partner, we must look for one that meets our “specs”. Hopefully those specs are high enough to be happy with but aren’t too high to meet. No one is perfect and we may set standards so high that we may never find someone to meet our expectation. What we are looking for is someone to meet the more important requirements, but some can be overlooked if they are lower on our list. Also, if we depend on a feeling, we may not ever find a partner.

That “in love” feeling may come for some but not all. Even for those that experience it, it fades with time (usually between six months to two years)  That is when we have to choose to continue to love that person or move on. Hopefully if you have already married, you will choose to love that person because if you choose to move on, chances are that you will go through the same with someone else. Statistics have shown remarriages are a trend and each time, the length of the marriage shortens. The best option in to choose to love the one you are with.

We all need love. That “in love” experience may satisfy for a time but when it fades, we must be aware of our abilities to continue to love and be loved when the feeling is no longer there. It is better to be aware of this before hand so that you are not caught off guard when the feeling fades. Many things can be done to help your love relationship. It is a choice and it needs to be intentional. You have to work at it. Many marriages fail because, people get selfish and lazy. They think of themselves and don’t want to put effort into having something good.

When we choose to work at our relationship, we gain the power of working together through whatever life brings us. We will be empowered to overcome the obstacles that will come with marriage. We can become closer through our trials instead of having our trials drive us apart. We will end up with something more beautiful than we could imagine. It will be better than that “in love” experience that we may have once felt. Just remember, we don’t necessarily need to feel that to have a great relationship. In fact, we may be better off if we don’t because then we won’t be fooled to thinking we are in love when it was never love at all.

By working at our love relationship, we will be better off as a couple and also a better person as an individual. There are many resources that can help you improve that relationship, just be sure to make sure you look at reputable ones if you need direction for your efforts. May God Bless your efforts and give you a relationship that is better than you ever expected.

 

Offer Grace to your Children

“The problem with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are usually unemployed.” Author Unknown

Whatever we are going though with our children will pass. We don’t know how long it will last because we are not God but we have the hope that we will get to the other side of this season. We can endure because we know this will end sometime. Think of it as a long walk and you are so tired but when you know there will be a time when you will reach your destination, you continue to walk despite your struggle.

If we don’t have needs, we wouldn’t see a need for a Savior. We thank God for our trials so that we learn to depend on our God instead of ourselves.

Our seed and what we have sown in our kids will reap a harvest. It may not be the harvest we thought it would be but it will be the harvest that God wanted. Things may look different than we expected.

Let’s be thankful for our children despite their differences and the current circumstances. Let’s focus on their good attributes. When we see a fault, let’s turn our focus and think of something good. We see what we focus on. Let’s concentrate on their strengths and coach their weaknesses with love when we have the opportunity. We want to fix the problem and then be thankful. Let’s try being thankful for their strengths and let God fix the problem.

We need to give grace to our children as we receive grace from God. It is not earned and we don’t deserve it but it is offered to us from God. We must offer the same grace to those in our lives that haven’t earned it. We may see a closeness that we have not seen in a while. Just as when we receive God’s grace, He moves closer to us, we may be able to move closer to our child because of the grace we offer to them.

God will complete what he has started. God has not abandoned us or our child.

Jeremiah 31:16-17

This is what the Lord says, “Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,” declares the Lord. “They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your future,” declares the Lord. “Your children will return to their own land.

Overcoming a Bad Church Experience by David Sanford

Overcoming a Bad Church Experience

If you or your spouse have had a bad church experience in the past, you’re not alone.

by David Sanford

If you or your spouse have had a bad church experience in the past, you’re not alone.

Approximately 22 million Americans say they are Christians and have made a faith commitment to Jesus Christ. They say that commitment is still important to them, but they have struggled with faith or relational issues and therefore quit going to church. Tens of thousands more will join their ranks this week.

Like a safe harbor, local churches can be a second home for many people. Sadly, churches also can be the setting for some of the harshest attacks against our faith.

Problems tend to arise when people are:

  • Unsure of where they fit in a local church.
  • Confused or overwhelmed by church expectations.
  • Rejected, humiliated or hurt by someone in the church.

Steps to Recovery

If you’re still struggling with a bad church experience, you’re not alone. The good news is that it’s possible for you to make a healthy recovery.

Many people have found it helpful to use a journal to record some of their recovery steps, but there are many steps you can try along with your spouse:

  1. List the ways you’ve been wounded by others. Write down who hurt you and how.
  2. Describe any times you’ve been confused or overwhelmed while attending a particular church.
  3. Describe any times you wondered how you fit in a local church.
  4. Study what the Bible teaches about experiencing God’s forgiveness and forgiving others. Read the story of Joseph and his brothers in Genesis 39-45. If you have an opportunity, look up verses on “forgive” (and related words) in a Bible concordance. In your journal, make a list of what you learn.
  5. Pray about what you’ve learned about forgiveness. Ask God to make each truth real in your own experience.
  6. Identify who you need to meet with to ask for forgiveness for the wrongs you have done. Pray ahead of time that they will graciously forgive you. If a lot of time has passed, it’s even okay to pray that they’ve forgotten what you did.
  7. Identify who has wronged you. Tell the Lord how badly you were hurt. Thank God for understanding how you were wounded. Ask Him to give you the ability to forgive each person in your heart, no matter what they did, even if they never apologize to you. Identify the individual(s) you can’t seem to forgive. Do you need to meet with that person and a third party to seek repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation? If so, who could you ask to serve as that third party? A Christian counselor? Your pastor? Another godly older friend?
  8. Start the process of finding a new, healthy church home.

Spiritual Drifting

Leaving your church under bad circumstances can lead to the temptation to abandon church entirely. Here’s what some prominent Christians have had to say about spiritual drifiting:

“At a deep level I sense the church contains something I desperately need. Whenever I abandon church for a time, I find that I am the one who suffers. My faith fades, and the crusty shell of lovelessness grows over me again. I grow colder rather than hotter. And so my journeys away from church have always circled back inside.” — Philip Yancey

“Life is full of people who ‘used to believe.’ But because things turned out darker and tougher than they supposed, they have decided that ‘there can’t be a God to let things like that happen.’ But ‘things like that’ have always happened, to all sorts of people; even to Christ.” — J. B. Phillips

“Maybe if you have money, health and a busy schedule, you don’t feel the need to fellowship with other Christians. But when the storms of life hit — and they will — suddenly you’ll find nobody’s there. If you remain shallow in your relationship to your local church, you will lose out on the support of other Christians when you need it most.” — Luis Palau