Parent/Child Relationships – Page 13

What Makes God Sad?

Many children today continue to live at home as adults. They either have never left or they return when troubles come upon them such as financial, divorce, etc.

We as parents would like to treat them as an adult but so often they live under our roof and continue to act like a child. They think we are to supply for them. They help themselves to stuff as if it is theirs. They don’t show respect for the things that belong to others in the home. They don’t respect the others in the home such as siblings and the fact that sharing and cooperation need to take place. They have no respect for the rules that have always been in place that they still choose to not follow. They still act like the brat that lives at home. They act and do things there that they wouldn’t do as a guest in someone else’s home.

Will they ever grow up? Somewhere we have failed to move them into adulthood by making life too easy as a child and not giving them responsibility and consequences. We tried so hard to protect them that we have even protected them from the consequences that would have been good for them.

Now they are considered adults because of their age but they have never really grasped the ability and responsibility level needed to act like an adult. Our parenting has made their growing up process to be delayed but there comes a time when we need to cut the strings to save our sanity. They are perfectly capable of making wise decisions but it will have to be them that choose to do that. Their quality of life will depend on what they choose. We are no longer responsible for their mistakes. It makes us sad because we can see how much better their life could be with some changes, but it is the choice they are making.

This scenario is much the same with our Heavenly Father. He wants things better for us but we continue to do things our way. We neglect to follow His rules. We insist that our consequences are the result of someone else. We look to blame someone else. We act like a spiritual brat. We want blessings and stuff given to us without having to be responsible to God and without being obedient to God. We want to continue in our rebellion. We are capable of making the right choice but we choose not to for some reason. God will not go against our will. He allows us to choose the life we want to live.

We can pray for our children and should continue to do that. We continue to love them no matter how much they step on our heart. God also continues to love us. God is also sad when we choose to live a life that is less than what He has for us. We cannot do anything that will cause Him to love us any less. He continues to call us even when we don’t want to hear Him. He will be there if we choose to call on Him.

God Can Use All Of Our Experiences

Some of our attempts at parenting fail. We make mistakes. Our kids make mistakes. God is the only perfect parent. Hopefully we can ask God to forgive us of those mistakes and learn from them. Every child is different and our parenting strategies don’t always work on each child the same even when they are from the same family. Parents come to realize what they tried on their first child doesn’t work on the ones that came after. Each one brings a different parenting adventure. Sometimes the older child suffers because the parents have a lack of experience. The parents often don’t realize what is ahead. It seems the parents get them through the baby years and things seem to get easier, then we realize the teen years can be more demanding than those baby/toddler years. It is easier to protect them when they are small. As they grow and begin to take on the world we still try to protect our children from harm that they can come into contact with in the world. We want them to make decisions that will benefit them. When they go against our wishes, they often suffer consequences because they insist on doing what they want even if deep down they know it could harm them. When they feel judgment fall on them because they know they went against their parent’s wishes, the burden gets heavy.

God can lift that burden in the process of forgiveness. We have all sinned and sin causes a heaviness that can only be removed by seeking forgiveness from our Heavenly Father and from those we sinned against. We are not always forgiven by those that we sin against. We can still be sorry for our part and pray for them that they will someday come to forgive us. Those that don’t forgive also will not be forgiven. Read Mark 11:25. How many times do we forgive our children? We continue to forgive them because nothing they do will cause us to love them any less just as nothing we do will cause Our Father in Heaven to love us any less. He continues to forgive but He does ask that we come to Him and ask for forgiveness.

When we try to get our children to do what is right, we try to teach them what is right and true. When doing this we often cause them to feel judgment. That is not what we intend to do. We want to have a relationship and be able to share truth that helps the individuals and the relationship to grow. This can only happen when those involved can come to the terms that none of us are perfect and this life is a process of learning and forgiving. It is a life of relationships that can hinder or help, that can make life bitter or sweet.

God teaches us as much if not more from our parenting experiences as we ever learn as a child. As much grief as we feel sometimes as parents, it does not even compare to the grief we cause our Heavenly Father. He blesses those that honor their father and mother because we are to honor Him as our Heavenly Father. When we learn to honor our earthly mother and father, we are in the process of learning to honor our Heavenly Father. There is a promise that comes with the commandment to honor our mother and father. Read Deuteronomy 5:16. Once we are adults, this command still applies. Honor and obey are different and they take on a new meaning when we become adults. The important thing is our relationship with our Heavenly Father. When people have a right relationship with their Heavenly Father then other relationships with other people can prosper.

No matter where we fail or what we go through, God will not waste our experiences. God can use all that we go through for our betterment and His glory. We just need to trust in Him to do His work. Amen!

²⁵ And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:25 NIV

¹⁶ Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you in the land which the Lord your God gives you. Deuteronomy 5:16 AMP

Don’t Be Selfish With Our Prayers

When raising kids, we often hear people advise us to pray that our kids will have good friends and that we should pray a hedge around them that only good kids would be able to get in and the bad would not be allowed in. That just sounds selfish.

We could definitely pray that the bad stuff would not influence our child but it may be the contact our child has with the other that could somehow make a difference in both their lives. These kids that you may consider a bad influence are someone’s child and we can’t just wish them away. They are just as much God’s creation as anyone else.

How about pray that they would somehow be changed or influenced for the good. Maybe God would work in their situation and bring people into their lives that would make a difference. Our children will always have someone around them to sway them in the wrong direction. It would be better that we have prayed for their strength so that they develop enough to withstand the stuff that will come against them as they grow. We all know the stuff we endure when little seems big at the time but we also know that when we are older the stuff that we face is bigger.

The individuals that come into our lives through our children will need help and prayer just as much if not more that our children. Our children are and will be covered by our prayers. The ones that may be considered a bad influence may have never had anyone pray for them. Let’s be the first. We can be sure that it would be God’s will to work in everyone’s life, not just the life of our kids. God uses all to His glory and our betterment.

Raising Children Is Not Routine

Take time to treat each of your children differently. It will take a little extra effort but they are worth it. We must take the time to know what they need and desire based on their personalities. We are always told to treat them the same to be fair and they will remind us of that when they don’t get what they want. Don’t believe it. Each one is unique and should be treated that way. They will need different types of attention, treatment, discipline, gifts, etc. We need to love and respect them enough to take the time ourselves to figure out what is right for them. When we don’t get it right we can apologize to God and to them. If we pray and put in the effort, God will help us do the best for our children.

Do this while they are young because it will take time to get it right and the teen years will be the time when this knowledge will be especially useful. Raising children is not routine. It is an adventure and can take its toll when we go through the teen years. It can be exciting if we have the right perspective. The baby years seem tough and then things start to get easier. Just about the time you realize you are getting the job done, they become teenagers and you realize the adventure has just begun. Prayer will help you and your child get through the adventure.

What Path Is Your Child On In His Walk With Christ?

Don’t expect your child to have the same relationship with God as you do. Of course you want them to follow Christ but let them develop their own relationship with Him. God made us unique and He has a unique path for each of us.

If we require them to walk our path, we are short changing their walk and may also push them off the path. Their faith will be deeper when they have their own relationship. They will not have faith that will sustain them in life if they simply walk a path we lay out for them. We want them to pursue God for themselves so that they develop a strong relationship and a deep faith. We don’t want them to simply be puppets fulfilling our expectations to make our life easy. We will both be stronger for allowing God to have His way with us and them. He has better plans and makes each of us more than we can become on our own.

Be sure you let them realize God is also still working on you. We have to be “real” so they don’t see us or other Christians as hypocrites. We don’t want them to judge God or the Christian faith by where we fail. We don’t want them or others to turn away from God by the way we act or react. Remind them to not base their Christianity and their faith on what they see others do. We don’t want them to fail because of what others have done or are doing.

We want to give our children the freedom to ask questions. Allow them to realize you don’t have all the answers. When you don’t know for sure, encourage them to investigate it themselves. We are not to judge them. We are to love and encourage them. Just because they ask questions does not mean they are questioning our faith. Don’t get defensive or confrontational. It is a good thing for them to ask questions. That is a sign that they want to know things so they can do things right. We should still be learning and growing. We should be glad they are thinking about their faith enough to want to ask questions. God does not mind us asking Him questions so why should we mind when our children ask us questions.

When we have an answer, we should also ask them their opinion and also encourage them to ask God because He can confirm things and plant them deeper than we can. We need to make sure we don’t over extend our answer because it may be they asked because they are thinking but it doesn’t always mean they want our answer and we also need to be careful that we don’t go on too long trying to drill it in because they may not come back with their next question if we make it an unpleasant experience.

Just because we are raising our children in a Christian home does not always guarantee us having Christian children. We can do things that will actually push them away. We must be careful in our walk. God may be trying to do a work in us as well as our children. We must all work out our salvation. God will deal with each of us differently. Don’t get so focused on your child that you forget to examine yourself. The plank in our own eye may be hindering our view. What example are we living in front of them? They are watching. Do we uphold the commandments in our everyday life? Do we criticize and disrespect others or do we love and respect others including our children? When we are angry, how do we react? Do we lose control or do we show self control? Are we pursuing peace or are we part of the problem? How can we expect them to be in control if we fail in our example. Our actions speak louder than our words. When we mess up, apologize to God and to our children.

We will be disappointed if our children choose not to follow God, but if we continue to pray, God will continue to work. Don’t give up! God has not given up! He will still be writing their story. God’s timetable and plan is different than ours. He is still doing a work in your child and in you.